Detached
by SHARP546
Summary: Losing everything twice can break a person. Or strengthen them.


Introduction

The SSV Perugia was a bustle of activity. As the ship was soon to be assigned to the Fifth Fleet, her Captain had ordered a full sweep of all decks. All systems were to be checked, a full (and unnecessary) maintenance to be carried out, and those Captain-appeasing 'pre-flight checks' were ostentatiously completed.

On the engineering deck, a mocking 'all hands on deck' attitude had gripped the crew as they went about their duties. They all knew how pointless it was, the Perugia was practically a brand new ship, there was no need for all these checks. Captain Brezin felt that he needed to flex all that Officer Academy training, and everyone else put up with his bullshit.

Engineer Gabriella Daniels knelt in front of an open duct in the engine room and held a flash light to illuminate the opening. A dull thud emanated from the duct.

"_Ah! Motherfuck!"_

"Watch your head in there, Erin."

"_That's 'Commander' to you, Daniels." _a distorted voice shot back.

"Watch your head in there, oh Great Commander, Ken will flip if you damage those flaming locks of yours."

"_Shut it, Gabby. Why do **I **have to climb through the duct anyway? I'm a combat engineer, not a ship mechanic!"_

"Watch what you say, Commander. I can can still close you in there." Gabby teased. "Besides, it's your last day here, we have to get as much out of you as we can. Not everyone gets mysteriously transferred on such short notice, you know." She waited a moment before continuing, "Find it yet?" she asked.

"_No, there's nothing here. No loose wiring, no – There's nothing here... You bitch!"_

Gabby raised her voice slightly. "What was that? I couldn't hear you over the sound of this hatch closing!"

"_Don't you fucking dare, Gab-" _another thud, _"Ah! Fuck!"_

"Watch your head, Shepard." Gabby repeated with a sigh.

* * *

Hours later, an exhausted Shepard slumped at a table in the mess with her forehead down on her crossed arms. Gabby sat to her left, disgustingly energetic, and sipped her coffee while reading from a datapad. A low moan escaped from the massed bundle of red. Gabby put down her coffee and patted Shepard consolingly on the shoulder.

"There there, Erin, it's okay. You'll get through this. And you know what they say; hard work builds character, so maybe you'll come through this a better person. See? Every cloud has a silver lining."

One of Shepard's hands extricated itself log enough to raise a single finger in Gabby's direction before retreating again. "And to exist," Erin's muffled voice replied, "every silver lining requires a cloud."

Gabby rolled her eyes and went back to her datapad.

"Wha's goin' on over here, then?" a Scottish brogue asked.

"Hey, Ken." Gabby greeted him as he took a seat opposite the two women. "Just teaching the Commander the virtues of hard work."

Shepard raised her head enough to peer at the newcomer with one green eye. "Donnelly – Donnelly you have to help me! She's going to kill me, I might already be dead!"

"She's exaggerating, I've done twice the work she's managed."

"Donnelly, please!" Shepard pleaded, reaching out to him with one weakly trembling hand.

"Sorry Commander." Ken apologised, "I've learned not ta interfere when Gabby's 'teaching'."

"Critical. Mission. Failure." Shepard groaned and slumped back down to the table.

Gabby smiled into her coffee. She was going to miss Erin Shepard.

Ken just stared in confusion at the Commander's still form.

* * *

"Are you sure she's the best candidate? Her file mentions some... issues following Akuze; a tendency to distance herself from the majority of her crew mates, nightmares resulting in a light case of insomnia, self-reliant to the point of neglecting her squad. Frankly Captain, I have concerns about your proposal"

The Admiral dropped a thick file onto the desk next to him and clasped his hands behind his back. Physical records were rare in this day and age, and for good reason. These files would be destroyed at the conclusion of this meeting, regardless of the outcome. He was alone in the room, though that meant nothing when top of the line quantum entanglement communicators were involved. The blue tinted forms of three other men were arranged in a semi-circle before him, and it was to the man on the left that he directed his comments.

"I know, sir." he replied. "But the way I see it is this; Spectre's need to make the tough choices, and a lot of the time those choices are going to get people killed. Whoever we choose is going to need to be able to detach themselves from the people involved. And all Spectre's are self-reliant, most of them work alone. That self-reliance has seen her through more than one rough spot. As for the nightmares, well, we all pick up scars, sir. They're a sign of experience, of battles fought, comrades lost, and proof of survival. She wouldn't be the soldier she is without them."

"I'm more concerned about her background." the centre figure said. "Mindoir. Mix that with Akuze and we could have a serious case of Survivor's Guilt-"

He was interrupted by the right figure's sudden uproar of laughter. "More like Survivor's Vengeance! I've never seen someone kill so many Batarians. Usually with fire. She's vicious with those tech attacks. You worry too much, Ambassador."

"Exactly my point. We could be dealing with a very unstable individual here, Brezin." the Ambassador shot back.

"She's stable, I guarantee it. Just likes killing Batarians."

"Excuse me if I'm not reassured, Captain."

"You're excused, Ambassador." Brezin replied flippantly, "You're not needed here anyway."

Raising a placating hand, the Admiral intervened. "Enough. Thank you for your input, gentlemen, that'll be all. Captain Anderson, stay a moment." As the other two images flickered and died, the Admiral turned to Anderson.

"Anderson, Shepard was on your crew during the Akuze incident, you saw her after she got back, watched her recovery. Tell me now; can she do it?"

"She can do it, Admiral." Anderson answered softly. "She's strong, has a will of steel."

"And immediately after the incident?"

"Quiet, real quiet. Wouldn't talk to anyone. Seeing friends die is part of the job, seeing them get eaten isn't. Neither is watching them dissolve on the spot." Anderson sighed heavily. "She cried once. Just once. Didn't make a sound, but the tears were there. She started climbing out of the pit after that. Anyone else with her past would have given up, they would have broken down completely, but not her. You could send her against Hell's armies and she wouldn't flinch. She's seen worse. Come through worse." Anderson hesitated a moment. "I believe in her, sir."

"Even after she requested a transfer?" the Admiral asked good humouredly.

"I can't begrudge her that. Too many memories on that ship, too many familiar faces to remind her of the ones that were missing, the ones she watched die. With all she's seen, sir, I can't think of anyone better suited for the position."

The Admiral was silent a moment, deep in thought. Finally he nodded. "I'll get the ball rolling. Thank you for your input, Captain. Hackett out."

* * *

_A/N: I thought it would be interesting to write a Shepard totally different from John at the same time as I write Reinstated. Hopefully, once this reaches the same point, I'll be updating both at roughly the same time. It's also a good way to break down the brick walls I've been hitting on Reinstated. I hope that, by comparing what one Shepard would do in a given situation, I can figure out what the other should do as well.  
Let me know what you think._


End file.
